On almost every cruise you will come across at least one of the people I am about to mention. Whether it is a summer holiday cruise full of families with a more laid back atmosphere or a cruise slightly later in the season which may have an older clientele, you will meet one of them at some point.
Who am I talking about I hear you ask, well keep reading and I am sure soon it will all become VERY clear.
First of all I want to talk about the “Slow Coach” there is one on every cruise and oh my dear lord you ALWAYS without fail end up stuck behind them on one of the cabin decks. Just visualise this for a moment. You are at the Aft of the ship and your cabin is forward, her cabin is also forward and let’s say the ship is roughly 900ft long……..getting the picture??
Every cruise I end up in this same situation and there’s just no escaping it. The deck is not wide enough to scurry past her, she’s probably a little hard of hearing now so doesn’t even realise you are hot on her heels and with all the cabin doors shut there’s definitely no hope of pushing her discreetly into one so you can pass, all that you can do is toddle on behind her until you eventually get to where you need to be, some three days later.
Next up is the “Speedy Gonzales” this is the cruiser who 90% of the time can’t quite get to where they need to be but when something grabs their attention boy can they move! Most of the time you will see them wandering around the ship like they have all the time in the world, that’s regardless of whether you do or not. But keep any eye on this shifty character, once the port days roll up he or she will always be at the front of the disembarkation queue, always first for the buffet and never seen to miss a show on board. They don’t move very fast when you’re watching, but when you’re not, that’s when they suddenly come alive.
Another addition to the list has to be the “Selective Hearing Cruiser” you know they can’t really hear much unless it includes the words complimentary, discount or free sample. You mostly come across these cruisers in the shop areas on board. They see something they like but then catch a glimpse of the price tag. The young girl in the store begins to approach the passenger (speaking her native language of English I may point out too) “Hello madam is there anything I can help you with”, she is subsequently glared at like she has just been beamed in from another planet. No comprende, I am convinced I hear these British folk say, that is until she utters the words “we have discount on selected items…..before she can finish her sentence the passenger cuts in, now she has her attention.
This also applies to those who maybe feel they are a little more VIP than the rest of us, telling us tales of how they have cruised the world ten thousand times on twenty thousand different ships. They ALWAYS have lunch on board with the captain and would never be seen to embark without a car full of luggage and priority embarkation passes. These people are slightly different though, they will entertain you like nothing and no-one else on board, they will watch your own mouth move in response but they will never hear your words. That is of course unless you mention world cruises, money, yachts or again, money.
My ultimate favourite though is the “Naughty Pensioner” again you will find one on every cruise and all this individual wants to do is have a good time! I met a hilarious guy on my cruise in November and he really was like a naughty child. He didn’t have his cruise card with him but it was a warm day and he decided he needed a drink. He shouted over one of the bar stewards and asked for his drink explained the card situation and told the waiter his name and cabin number. So off goes the waiter to get the drink, a few minutes later he comes back and asks the gentleman to sign for the drink, sign he does and again nothing seems unusual until the waiter walks away and he tells us he gave him the name of the person he was cabin sharing with! Well we were in hysterics, you can imagine this guy spent all day everyday just having a good time and playing tricks, even telling us he had about 12 “Sheila’s” in Australia 😉
I am sure there are a ton more but these are my favourite people that I always find on board, some I love and some I loathe but either way they give me something to talk about so I wouldn’t change them one bit.